Telling the Story, Part 6: Opening the Conversation

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There’s no magic phrase to open a conversation about faith but there are some general principles we can follow.

First, understand we need to open a dialogue.  Almost everyone is comfortable talking about themselves, so we should lead the conversation in that direction.

Second, ask “action” questions instead of those that require only a “yes” or “no” response.  These begin with “who, what, why, when, where or how?”  A good all-purpose opener is “What do you do when you’re not doing this?”  Then encourage them to continue with more action questions that will help you get to know them.

Third, remember God gave us two ears and one mouth so we’d listen twice as much as we talk.  We often ignore the most critical part of communication:  LISTENING.

Fourth, empathize. Understand their point of view and problems.  Let them know you do.

Fifth,  find common ground. We all get battered by life and it shouldn’t be hard to find things in common.  Job loss, relationship problems, substance abuse, health issues, death of a loved one, uncertainty about life….fill in the blank.

Finally, most people are fair.  If you’ve listened to them, they’ll listen to you.  Establish your right to share by being the first to listen.  When you talk, pick up a thread from what you've learned about them and relate back to it.

There a lots of  opportunities to open a conversation.  If someone is distant, daydreaming and inattentive we might say “You seem to have a lot on your mind.  What’s up?” 

If they’re clearly bothered by something, say “You look upset.  Is something wrong?”  Be genuinely concerned; for a Christian this should be easy.

If you’re in a conversation about the dreadful condition of the world, agree and ask “With things this crazy how do you deal with it?”

In discussions about sports you might interject Christian references.  Many fans aren’t aware that lots of famous athletes are committed Christians.

If you’re asked what you’re doing this weekend and a church activity is involved, talk about it and develop a dialogue by asking what they’re doing.

With people you know well, you might ask,  “We’ve known each other for a long time and I’m curious: what do you think about spiritual things?  I respect your opinion and really  wonder what you think.”

Don’t be critical.  Your job isn’t to judge, it’s to promote an ongoing conversation that may help you share the Good News.    Don’t blow an opportunity by tearing down what they believe, insulting them and killing communication.

When people open up you’ll find what they say is often fascinating.  I once met a woman who believed she could meet someone, go back in time and change their karma.  It’s an opportunity for you to reexamine your faith in light of the beliefs of others.  You’ll discover Christian beliefs hold up and become stronger when you’re exposed to other ideas.

And you’ll be able to share your faith in a reasoned, committed, low-key and effective way. 

Next Christian Standpoint article:  Sharing Your Story.

Telling the Story, Part 5: Pick Your Spot

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What’s a spot?  A spot is a situation conducive to personal, respectful and open communication where we can begin to share our faith.

Spots come in lots of shapes, sizes and colors.  They’re usually in casual settings where the conversation won’t be interrupted by a meeting agenda or constrained by someone’s schedule. Everybody should be relaxed. 

Spots can be found on a train commute, watching the kids at the playground, on the beach with friends, visiting people in the hospital or at home, getting your hair done  or hanging out at a picnic. They could crop up at work in conversations about the news of the day, sports or even the weather.

Sometimes spots happen with people we may never see again.  A Christian friend tells how she and her husband express their faith by assisting others in need – like helping change a flat tire.  In situations like this, people will thank you and you’ve created a spot where you can tell them, “Your welcome, but it’s our pleasure.  We’re Christians and we’re happy to have the opportunity to help!”  Even if the conversation ends there, you’ve left a positive message about Christianity and your actions will give them something to think about.

Look at it this way.  First, there's a stereotype of Christians as being judgmental and bigoted that can be countered in a small way if people know they're being helped by a Christian.  Second, many of us hide our faith under a bushel basket. Others are free to develop wrong opinions about us because we don't even identify ourselves, much less talk about our faith.  Finally, non-Christians surely do good things, but Christians are impelled to do them as part of their faith..

Doing right and not taking bows is certainly biblical.  But remember:  the credit goes to God - not you - and if we're able to express that, we should.

In long term relationships the “spot” can be used to open a dialogue.  Most of us don't have the power or influence to make people instantly drop all their anti-Christian baggage and become Christians just because we brought it up.   But we can create interest so they’re willing to pursue the conversation later. 

Here are some thoughts.  First, you shouldn’t exhibit fits of rage, gossip, envy or other destructive behaviors the Bible warns about.  Christians aren’t perfect, but we should clearly be operating on a different plane from non-Christians.  If Christian faith hasn’t made a difference in your life, you have nothing to offer and shouldn’t even look for a spot until your faith has made a change in you.

Second, non-Christians see the same societal dysfunctions as Christians. If we discuss things they already know to be true, we can create common ground that will let us segue into how we see things through our faith.  When these topics come up they create spots.

Third, even non-religious people recognize the anti-Christian bias in the media and many think it’s wrong.  For example, a judge ruled he would allow a school to display the Ten Commandments as long as the first four were expunged, leaving six commandments that excluded any reference to God. When this sort of craziness happens, even non-religious people see it for the secular cheap shot it is and spots arise.

Fourth, everyday conversation can create spots.  When you’re asked how your weekend was, if it involved church you should talk about it.  It shows your faith is important to you and may allow you to transition into a conversation about spirituality.

Paul prayed for God to “open a door for our message” (Col. 4:2) and we should be on the lookout for His opportunities.  Keep your eyes, ears and heart open; spots will appear!

Next Christian Standpoint article: “Opening the Conversation.” 

Telling the Story, Part 4: Lighten Up!

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We descended the steps to the 125^th Street subway platform.  It was crowded with people moving briskly and purposefully with the hurried emotional disconnect perfected by New Yorkers.    Below, a man and woman strode around yelling about hell and damnation while waving large Bibles overhead.  Their frantic movements were unpredictable and they were given a wide berth by passersby who violated the trackside warning lines to squeeze by.

The shouters were unavoidable but nobody stopped long enough to hear any message.  They fruitlessly managed to annoy hundreds of people and give them a “crazy Christian” story to tell.  No doubt the proselytizers believed they were doing God’s work, but the effect was to reinforce anti-Christian stereotypes and turn people off.  Hellfire and damnation preaching can drive home a point but listeners can take it as a misguided threat that ends communication before it even starts. 

Few Christians have the personality or desire to try to impose our faith on others like this.  Instead we’re better at conveying the positive messages of forgiveness, salvation, and eternal life. And it's more appropriate.  This is good news to be shared in the same spirit you share other things you know will be helpful to the recipient.   

It’s what we’re called to do.  Jesus put the responsibility for convicting people’s hearts squarely in the hands of the Holy Spirit (John 16:8-11).  But He gave us the job of sharing the Good News by “making the most out of every opportunity, and letting our conversations be full of grace”(Col 4:5-6).  Paul was talking about using personal opportunities for intimate, peaceful, positive conversations

There have always been gifted evangelists who can move individual audience members with their oratory.  Most of us aren’t in that league and it’s just as well.  The fact is 80-90% of new Christians are introduced to faith by friends, relatives or acquaintances who arouse their interest and invite them to church. To do this we need to be ready for opportunities by “always being prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope you have.  Do this with gentleness and respect” (1 Peter 3:15).

When a new mother holds her baby she has a glow on her face, a lilt in her voice and devotion in her gaze.  Her love for her child is beyond question.  If we present ourselves in a similar way when we talk about Jesus it sends a powerful positive message of love and hope and it’s far more likely we’ll open a productive dialog.

Jesus told us to come to him like a child (Mat 18:2-4) and it’s good advice.  At its heart, Christianity’s amazing promises are understandable by all who are open to them. We don’t need to be theologians on one hand or subway station hawkers on the other. We just need to be ourselves and exude joy while sharing the peace and hope we’ve found. 

Smile!  It’s Good News! 


Next post:  Telling the Story 5:  Pick Your Spot