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| Tanya |
It’s a tough life: they can’t sleep because of noise at night and fighting in the parking lot. Other women in the same situation sometimes help “but other times they (don’t) get along and (cause) trouble for each other.” She doesn’t have a high school diploma, GED or a job but she does have six children, “three daughters who live with her mother and two sons who have been adopted by other families.” No mention of any father(s).
Tanya doesn’t have a car and finds it difficult to get to her therapy appointments. Given her straits, it’s not surprising she needs professional help. But wouldn’t it have been better to avoid this in the first place?
Births to unwed mothers skyrocketed to 41% in 2010. Some theorize that when contraception and abortion put control of pregnancy in the hands of women, men eschewed responsibility for it and women were left to deal with the consequences on their own. Others blame overly generous welfare benefits that encourage childbearing while discouraging two-parent homes. Still others believe a shortage of jobs for the less educated created a drop in the number of marriageable men. These rationalizations all miss the point.
Decades ago Tanya’s first pregnancy would have brought shame. Shame is “a painful emotion caused by a strong sense of guilt, embarrassment, unworthiness and disgrace.” It powerfully discourages destructive behavior, but it only works if society sets standards.
Couples who “got in trouble” would either marry in a shotgun wedding or the woman would remain single and give the baby up for adoption. Society’s interest was in raising the child in a stable two-parent structure and the consequences of unwed pregnancy encouraged prudence. It’s the reason the illegitimacy rate was only 5.3% in 1960 – well before effective birth control was widely available.
The Bible says we should reserve sex for marriage, which made sense for lots of practical reasons including child-rearing. Although not universally observed this teaching informed moral standards that were overwhelmingly embraced by society.
Today words like “shame” and “illegitimacy” are politically incorrect, and we don’t seem to believe society has the right to judge any individual behavior short of killing (and even then we try to blame everything but the murderer).
Society has strangled biblical teaching about marriage in the name of personal freedom. But it’s freedom to stunt children’s chances in life while burdening society with inadequately educated children, the costs of supporting the avoidably financially strapped, higher crime rates and the perpetuation of destructive morays into yet another generation.
Christian tenets are flicked aside as unrestrained individual choice chips away at any sense of personal responsibility. Spurning God’s guidelines obviously has consequences but an oblivious society refuses to see it.
The next Christian Standpoint will look at some of these.
Photo credit: Michael S. Gordon The Republican
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